HTC Hero Review

This is not so much a review, more like a page I'll update with things that really, really, really tick me off about this phone.


For details on the spec: go here.
For an actual review, why not try Engadget. 


The Hero is a nice phone. What makes it for me however are that it has one or two unique features, not seen on any other phone.

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The "I've been kidnapped from a movie theatre, my phone is off and my hands are tied up with electric flex so I can barely move my fingers" mode


When powered down the power button switches into a  whisper sensitive pressure mode. The merest hint of a touch is enough for the phone to launch into the forty seven minute start up sequence complete with cute animated robot and happy "tada" sounds.


This is great if your arms are pinioned behind your back and you can barely move you fingers. Less good if you have powered down your phone and placed it inside your jacket pocket. Perhaps when you're in a movie theatre, or while observing an extremely delicate brain surgery procedure. 


Pleasingly the back cover is rather easy to remove so it's possible to rip the battery out of the phone in the dark. 


The "I have no friends, my family were all eaten by a truculant Wilderbeast and I never get any wrong numbers" mode


Combined with an aversion to web browsing, watching You Tube videos and pretty much using an app at all then it's possible to get to around mid afternoon without having to plug your phone in. 


During a day trip to London I took this phone with me and subjected it to the following:

• Some moderate web browsing on the train to look up a couple of places we wanted to visit. One or two websites, read a couple of blog posts
• Three to four short phone calls, a minute or two long
• Occasional GPS use to work out how best to get us lost
• Read two emails
• 0 porn videos 

The battery was down to 15% by about 6PM.

If you're going anywhere for the day - take a second battery. Heck, going out to Starbucks for a quick coffee? Take a second battery. Perhaps I should be even clearer. Are you going to turn your phone on today?


Yes. Then get a second battery.

The "You've just burst your ear drums and want to lower the volume on your music?" mode
Alternative name of this is the "Fuck You" mode.


When this kicks in the phone will fail to respond to your frantic volume lowering attempts for several seconds, then it stores up every single press of the volume down button and processes them all leaving you with no you sound at all. 
It then applies this technique in reverse until you are left with severe hearing damage.
This sequence appears to be infinite. 


The quasi phasic multi temporal chronoton camera*

This is 5 megapixel and no flash.

And it's a bit shite. 

But it does come with some interesting temporal based features

As you can see from this picture of a festive London street this camera has been able to detect a passing car from 7 minutes in the future. 

Unfortunately it struggles with anything less than around 93% bright sunlight.

And the video record feature sucks. The sound might suck but trying to even watch something you've recorded results in a mild aneurysm, so have tried not to go there.

This camera is no good for any human being who cannot literally freeze the blood in their veins for around 14 minutes to hold the camera motionless. Perhaps Iceman could produce a blur free picture, assuming of course he also possesses the ability to compensate for the rotation of the earth.

Just like that talking guitar from the play within the film Moulin Rouge this camera can only speak the Truth. See the photo below.

In case you don't know me - I live in a fine city called Newport. And it's Great. 

Versus an Apple iPhone

I conducted an exhaustive series of Gadget Show style tests - placing a call, texting whilst sawing off my big toe, subjecting the phone to a small thermonuclear device - and in all of these the Hero came out on top.

Well, aside from the the vaporisation due to nuclear fission test. That was judged based on the amount of mass lost. The Hero ended up around minus 100g. The iPhone came out with 0g mass lost. 

Oh, and the Hero is far, far cheaper than an iPhone. Getting one also means you an keep your loathing of the overly smug iPhone adverts - Hey! Now you can book cinema tickets! With your Phone!

Not like I've never been able to do that before or anything...

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* Sorry, was watching an Episode of Star Trek: Voyager earlier. It was set totally in the Holodeck and they still managed to lose 47 shuttle craft.