You know the thing - the TV spot where the cute dog with those big brown eyes looks beseechingly at camera holds up a paw and poses the question: How can you not love this?
There are times when my compassion gets the better of me, when I'm almost taken in.
Then I think to myself - do I really want a dog that can write letters knowing where I live? I have enough trouble with next door's cat climbing in the bathroom window and pilfering my tea without a bloody great dog making off with a string of sausages in its mouth.
And with these dogs, it's even worse. These are abused dogs right, so street dogs. That makes them even more wily and cunning. We're talking Fantastic Mr Fox levels of cunning, combined with a detailed knowledge of the workings of a human abode.
A fox gets in your house he's just blinking in the kitchen light trying to work out where the chickens are. But you let a dog know where you live and he's going to town on the remote control.
And no way, absolutely no way am I adopting a monkey. Those little fuckers would be up a drain pipe and into to bed with granny in no time.
It doesn't stop with TV ads. Yesterday I saw a handwritten poster taped to a lamppost.
Please help me, it said. I'm a grey 8 year old parrot and I'm lost. Please help me to find my way home.
And I say yeah right.
You can write a letter and tape it to a lamppost, you free loading bird?
Well read a fucking map then.
